I’m sat on the sofa by the window, getting blinded by the sun, but refusing to shut it out. I’m two chapters from the end of Harry Potter so when I’m done writing, I’m finishing it. Then I’m rewarding myself with a cream egg or two before taking a deep breath and picking up the very important looking paperwork that came in the post from my new employer.
Yes, I got the job! EEEEEEEK!!
If I’m honest, at first the news left me feeling all kinds of mixed emotions.
I was happy at first, goodness I nearly cried on the phone while she was telling me the good news and I’m surprised I didn’t deafen Dave when he called to congratulate me, but then almost as fast as I’d felt happy, I felt tense and uncertain again.
I found myself trying really hard not to get overwhelmed. I couldn’t relax for days. I know now that I was so happy when she rang, but I was scared too. Not scared of starting the job, but scared of letting myself be happy about it.
That probably sounds like lunacy to some of you. I just got a job I know that I’m going to love in the city I’ve always wanted to work in. Life’s moving forwards in a brilliant way, but sometimes even the positive emotions are scary. We try to suppress them, because letting any emotion take control, even a happy one, means losing ourselves a little.
We worrier warriors spend so much of our time trying to control our emotions, trying not to let the anxiety take over, that the moment we’re given a good reason to act like the crazy, excitable, over-emotional happy person, we find it hard to go for it!
When it finally dawned on me that I had no reason to be anxious, that everything had fallen into place and that I was in fact ridiculously happy I cried, I ran around like I’d eaten too many blue smarties and I haven’t stopped smiling since.
If you’re like me and even the happy emotions seem daunting, put yourself out there next time you’re feeling good. Scream from the hill tops if you have to. Let the happy tears run wild. Don’t try to keep it in. Keeping it in never did anyone any good.