Let go of the familiar and embrace the new

I was super happy and excited but goodness I was nervous. A small part of me was just rationally worrying about the new job itself. Whether I’d be able to do it, whether the people would be as nice as I hoped, whether I’d impress like I wanted to.

I was also having nightmares about being late on my first day. Nightmares that varied from stressfully realistic and scarily weird. I had one in which I kept trying to get through doorways but random people in my life would be standing in them telling me it wasn’t safe and by the end I was shouting (luckily just in the dream) at the top of my lungs that they had to get out of my way because I had to get to work! You don’t have to be a psychologist to figure out I was very scared I’d be late.

Most of me was simply just terrified about the change from unemployment to employment. Even with 7 days a week free to do as I pleased I felt like time was going too fast and there was never enough of it. How would I cope? How would I find time to do the things I love? How would I keep in contact with all of my friends and family? How would I sleep and eat enough? How would I live!?

Commuting for the first time was a strange experience. When I walked onto the station platform singing quietly to myself at 8am, I felt like I was walking into a school assembly late. Everyone looked miserable. Everyone was sat or stood in silence. Everyone seemed to glare at me as I walked past. Pretty girls looked me up and down like I didn’t belong.

Of course, half the issue was that I was so tense and uncomfortable. The minute I walked onto that platform I forgot all about where I was headed. All I knew was that I felt small and unsure and this was all new and I wasn’t sure I liked it and a big part of me wanted to run back home to bed. I was more nervous than I knew and it didn’t take much to knock me off balance.

However, from the moment I got to work onwards, my first day ROCKED. Everyone I met was super lovely. I really enjoyed the work I did and the more I found out about my role the more I knew I was going to love it. My team took me out for lunch.

There came a point when I realised where I was, both physically and just in life and suddenly a big goofy smile spread from cheek to cheek. I was in my favourite city, working in one of them fancy office buildings, wearing fancy office clothes and doing a job I already took pride in and loved. This change didn’t happen gradually. I didn’t go through a period of adaptation. Maybe you aren’t supposed to. Maybe the reason I’ve struggled with change so much in life is because I’ve always had too much time to think about it. This time was like no other. I’m not being dramatic. Literally, one minute I was panicking. I felt like I was spiralling, losing control, time was running away with me. The next minute I realised I was calm and I settled into the swing of things and before long it was like nothing had changed at all.

I’m another 5 commutes down now and its not strange anymore. If the pretty girls are still looking me up and down I’m not seeing them because I’m too happy and confident to notice. Or my head is in my book which I’ve already mastered the art of reading wherever I am.

It doesn’t feel like I’ve just been through a change. 3 days into the job and everything is second nature. It honestly feels like I’ve been doing this for years and that is strange and wonderful all at once. Life never fails to amaze me.

8 Life Lessons I’ve learned from working two jobs

Okay, I know I’m not an expert and I haven’t been doing this two job thing very long at all BUT I’m feeling philosophical so humour me and let me put my life guru hat on just for this evening?

One – Live in the moment. I’m sure you’ve heard it said before and believe me I know it’s easier said than done. Seeing as over-thinking is in my anxious nature and planning ahead is all that normally keeps me sane, I always brushed living day by day off as impossible. HOWEVER, my rota changes every week now and life’s so much simpler. I have to live life week to week, I simply can’t plan ahead and I’m actually happier because of it. Believe me, it’s the best way to live. If you’ve gotta pencil stuff in your diary, do so, but don’t think on it anymore than that. Taking life as it comes, I’m making better use of my free time too because I don’t know when my next day off will be or when I’ll next have time to get stuff done.

That brings me to number two…

Continue reading “8 Life Lessons I’ve learned from working two jobs”

Why the good people in this world need to stick together

I’ve got the most horrid cough at the moment and yesterday I felt miserable and helpless because the doctor’s surgery was closed and I knew I wouldn’t have time for an appointment this week. My dad suggested I head to the pharmacy and chat to them. I was dubious because the last time I took a friend to a pharmacy the man behind the counter was anything but helpful. However, I spoke to a lovely lady, who went above and beyond to make me feel better and give me the best advice she could. I drove home beaming because not only had she made me feel like I could see this cough through, she’d reminded me that there are still lots of good people in this world.

I don’t know about you, but it seems like every time I nearly give up on humanity all together, someone or something restores my faith. What with England fans acting horrendously at the Euros in France, with politicians lying left, right and center in the wake of the EU referendum, with talented young musicians being shot down at concerts (need I go on?) it’s hard to keep the faith. However, whether I come across a video on youtube of someone doing something good, I hear that a celebrity has made a massive contribution to charity, I watch someone help an elderly man cross the road, or someone does something good for me, there are times when I’m reminded we’re not all bad.

I went into that pharmacy yesterday feeling miserable and grumpy and the women behind the counter turned my frown upside down. I think what’s important is that if it had been the other way round, I hope that I’d of been friendly enough to turn her day around.

My point is that good people need to restore the faith of good people. Good people need to stick together. If I’m preaching to the converted then good! Keep up the good work. Keep making conversation with the person stood behind the till in your corner shop, keep returning the smile when you catch a strangers eye in a shop or on a train, always be lovely to your hardworking waiter or waitress and don’t be scared to jump in when people around you need your help.

I know it’s hard, but let’s expect the best from each other and let’s not let it set us back when the best isn’t what we get. If you’ve been let down by the people around you more times than you can count and if you’ve witnessed first hand the poverty and the horridness that I only hear about on the news, you might not even be reading this because you might have closed the page already. If you are reading you’re probably rolling your eyes and smiling at my naivety.

Let’s stop acting like it’s naive to be optimistic because yes, sometimes being optimistic leaves you looking and feeling like a fool, but sometimes it pays off. Nine times out of ten, you’ll smile at a complete stranger and they’ll smile right back. That’s what counts. 

I promise there’s a post coming some time this week with an actual update on my life. If I’m honest, I’ve been putting it off because I’m not sure where to start. All is good though, don’t you worry! Just watch this space.