Chapter Four: Here's to the Here and Now

One day at a time

19th August

“We flew home from sunny Spain at 12:45 yesterday after a week’s family holiday. It was lovely and I’ve come back feeling so relaxed and happy”

“I need to worry less and live more.”

“I feel like I’m at the start of a new chapter. I always do at this time of year. I guess that feeling’s just stuck since my school days”

“I’ve a few resolutions.”

  1. Compete CiCLA
  2. Enjoy life, stop worrying and definitely stop grumbling
  3. Be grateful
  4. Find joy in cooking

20th August

“I’m having to manage some serious butterflies this morning.”

“I can’t let the butterflies keep me down. Today is going to be a good day.”

“I’m grateful for the breeze this morning. I was still so hot and flustered when I left the flat but I’d set one foot outside when the breeze hit me and I felt like it was all going to be okay.”

“I’ve got tired eyes. Looking forward to another cuppa when I get to work.”

“I’m on the train home. Today has been a TRIUMPH.”

21st August

“Woke up all hot and sweaty and full of butterflies again.”

“Taking it easy. Easing myself into the day slowly.”

“Need. Coffee.”

“I’m grateful for Dave and sunshine and coffee and future holiday plans.”

22nd August

“I’m feeling positive and chirpy.”

“Don’t want to speak to soon, but today has been good. I’m doing good.”

“Having dinner with Louise. So happy to be here.”

23rd August

“SUCH A GOOD DAY.”

24th August

“Excited for the weekend. Lots of good times ahead. Even if it is raining.”

“I’m grateful for the lovely man sat opposite me who put my suitcase up on the luggage rack for me”

25th August

“I’m grateful for good ale, good food and good company. I’m even grateful for the rain!”

26th August

“Feeling happy and grateful at the end of an amazing day, so full of family and friends.”

27th August

“Despite having had the loveliest weekend, I’m hit by serious butterflies this morning.”

“I miss how relaxed I was by the end of our holiday.”

“Is stressing about any of this going to make it better? NO. Are any of the rational things I’m worried about significant enough to spend one more minute dwelling on? NO. Well then, here’s to snapping out of it!”

28th August

“Trying out a new commute. The whole thing feels so much more chilled. So far so good.”

29th August

“Desperately trying to get out of my head. I just feel tense about nothing specific.”

“It’s raining. I normally love a rainy day.”

“Before I knew it Dave was home and now dinner is in the oven and the candles are lit and this makes me so happy and I am so far from where I was this morning when I was over thinking everything. Hoorayyy.”

30th August

“I did the new commute again and have firmly decided I prefer it.”

“Today has been another good day.”

“Great British Bake Off got me feeling all happy and warm and fuzzy!”

31st August

“I had a really good day.”

1st September

Now, I know I’d be repeating myself if I said it’s been another good day, but it has! I’ve been in on my own today and it has been the ULTIMATE chilled Saturday. I watched a few TV shows. I watched a movie. I read more Harry Potter. I cleaned the flat. I did some laundry. I shaved my legs. I listened to Passenger’s AMAZING new album again and again and again. And then I felt like blogging, for the first time in forever. So, here we are.

As you’ll expect if you know me at all, I am so so happy that we’ve reached September. This part of the year (the part from now until New Year) is the BEST part of the year. By far. EEEK.

The cogs are already turning. I’m already planning for autumn. I’m working out where all my jumpers are going to go when I collect them from my parents. I’ve reunited with the basket of blankets and throws that’s lived in the back corner of our living room untouched for months. I didn’t come across any spiders… thank goodness.

I’ve been trying to keep to the resolutions I made when I got back from our holiday.

I’m trying to worry less… well, dwell less. I’m pretty sure by now that I will always be a worrier. But I’m trying not to dwell. The new app I downloaded is helping. It’s called Journey. It allows you to privately write to a journal, upload pictures, record your mood and location and it gives you the option to share if you wish. The above quotes are extracts from my entries from the last couple of weeks. The best bit is that it’s on my phone. It’s just so easy. I’m writing every day. When I catch myself getting bogged down, stressing or worrying I write it down. Then I move on.

Cooking. I have to do it every day, as do most of us. And yet, I always dread it. I always stress over it. It’s about time I just embraced it. The reward at the end, when you have an amazing meal to eat, should make it worth it right? I’ve been doing good the last couple of weeks. Sticking to things I know well and keeping my cool. And then the other night I even cooked enchiladas! Andddd I had leftovers for lunch. RESULT. I’d never cooked them before and they were not as simple as anticipated but I stuck with it and I didn’t let myself grumble or stress and I felt so much better for it. Just gotta shake off the negativity I’ve attached to being in front of a stove.

It’s amazing what reminding yourself what you’re grateful for on a daily basis can do too. I’ve heard about people keeping gratitude journals and I felt dubious. BUT IT WORKS! It truly does!

Today I’m grateful for the many candles I have, most of which I was gifted for my birthday and haven’t used until now. I’m grateful for music and I’m grateful for tea. Thank goodness for tea.

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